distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize