I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize