No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
