so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
