Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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