She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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