I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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