Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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