you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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