I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
