Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
