Define "chronic" masturbator.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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