Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
