Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
