i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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