oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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