Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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