he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize