I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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