He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
