can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
