make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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