Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That accounts for only three of the penises
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
