You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
