Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
