fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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