I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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