i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
