You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We left the knife in your bed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
