I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
