don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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