the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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