I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
