this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
