Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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