mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
