Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
