I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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