Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
