So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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