So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
