So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
