You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
