i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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