He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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