in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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