Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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