just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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