I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
