my phone needs a breathalizer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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