I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
