Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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