Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pappa wants mamma naked
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
