You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize