i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize