So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
