Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
