all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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