my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
