Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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