apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
