i'm signing you up for texting rehab
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
