last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
