are you so shy because you have an std?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
