I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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