I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
