I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Jerry, you need to find god
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
