You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize