Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
