Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
