Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
