Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
