He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
