Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
