JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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