It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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