I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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