Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the condom got lost in my hair
Say something about gay babies.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
