Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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