Do vagina's smell?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
