what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
