I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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